How to Argue with Your Teen

How to Argue with Your Teen

Posted by Matt Zigler on January 5, 2012 | 0 Comments

Tags: Upper Division, behavior, modeling

You know that the teachers at Noble Academy are all experienced and trained in how to teach their various disciplines; anything from reading to math to visual and performing arts.  What you may not know is that we also work hard at learning how to argue appropriately with our students.

NPR recently ran a story on All Things Considered about a study on teens, arguing and role modeling. The study found that teens largely act out what they experience with their parents.  Those who get into shouting matches tend to shout their way through arguments.  Those who whine back and forth tend to whine about what they want.  Those whose parents listen to their arguments and respond back with careful and reasoned responses teach their kids how to do the same.

The most surprising part of the study are the findings around kids who meekly do what their parents want them to do.  The study found that these kids do not, in fact, always want what their parents want.  They want later curfews, more expensive clothes and possessions, more freedom, etc. just as much as the kids that argue.  These kids have simply decided its easier to go along with what their parents want instead of trying to convince them otherwise.  Unfortunately, this tactic translates to other, more concerning areas, such as when their friends ask them if they want to drink, smoke or do drugs.  Kids who learned to argue in a reasonable way with their parents were more likely to say no and think independently.  Kids who simply did what they were told were 40% more likely to simply go along with their peers.

The moral is that as frustrating as it is to engage in arguments with your teenager (and we do it every day!) if you see it as life skill training to help them be more independent and thoughtful thinkers, it just might help you through it.  I can assure you we will be doing the same here.

To listen to the original story, click here.